I'm learning to slow down.
Most people are terrified by fast speeds; by racing through life; by running with the pedal floored all day every day. I thrive on it.
It's when things slow down that I start to get panicky. I'm supposed to be doing something. Going somewhere. Hustling. Getting it done. All. The. Time.
Or am I?
I'm finding that there's a strong possibility that this is simply a story I've told myself, and anyone that was willing to listen, as I whirred past them, coming from, on the way to.
And as is the way with any story, if you tell it enough times, you start to believe it to be true. I've been telling it for so long that it's imprinted in my brain - "Go, go, go!," it says.
I napped today. I love to nap, but I can't remember the last time I did it. And it was so refreshing. I only slept for 30 minutes, but it was like I had hit a reset button on myself.
Before I laid down, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I couldn't find focus. I was flitting from one thing to the next, not really focusing on anything in particular. When I woke up, I felt more motivated, ready to dig my heels in.
This morning I discovered Amy Turn Sharp. It was a rather circuitous journey, as most paths on the internet are - I started on Goodreads with Mary Oliver, and in reading a review of a particular Mary Oliver book I was linked to Amy's website.
Before I knew what was happening, I was swimming in her poetry, the words swarming around me, enveloping me like a hug from an old friend. I'm not even a poetry reader.
Or am I?
She talks about self-medicating with goals, and I have the sudden realization I've been doing this for years. But what if I just stop? What if I decide to be happy with what I have in the here and the now?
Of course, this doesn't mean I give up on the things I'm working on. I enjoy them, and each of them sparks a different fire in me that keeps me in balance.
These are books I have in my Goodreads: The Hustle Economy. Grit: Passion, Perseverance, and the Science of Success. Ignite the Fire. Getting Things Done. Why? Do I really need to read these books?
I know my own story, my own hustle. I'm writing it.
Let's love ourselves. Let's slow down. Let's allow ourselves the space to be exactly where we are and nowhere else. This moment won't come again.